Trump To List All His Major Legislative Wins On The New Twenty-Dollar Bill

The debate is hazy over who should be on the twenty-dollar bill or whether it should be changed at all. However, in our time of crisis, the president has stepped in and decided that the bill should list all his major legislative wins.

The decision is expected to cut spending on ink and has therefore been praised by fiscal conservative commentators everywhere. “You know, we’ve been trying to find a reason to praise our Donnie boy, and he finally did something right,” said one analyst who was holding back tears that conveyed a mix of happiness and disappointment.

When asked for a comment on the seemingly blank state of the bill, Trump said, “I won the presidency. It was a tremendous run. I think that was my biggest accomplishment. It’s a tremendous bill. The bill will have fantastic success. All of the best people worked on it. Believe me.”

However, the art on a piece of currency isn’t just for decoration; it’s also to make it more difficult to counterfeit. The U.S. Treasury Department has ensured us that we’re safe from forgeries, “He has the handwriting of a real estate mogul that snorted a line of cocaine and won the presidency the next day. No one can fabricate it. No one.”