Trump Reconsiders DACA Repeal After Discovering It Won’t Let Him Deport His Son

Tension has been reeling over Trump’s vague, ambiguous comments over whether he will or won’t repeal DACA: a policy that allows individuals who entered the country illegally as minors to be eligible for deferred action and a work permit. However, according to an anonymous source in the White House, Trump was disappointed to find out that repealing DACA wouldn’t let him deport his son. Trump reportedly saw the words “deport, children,” and “immigrants,” and assumed the policy was referring to his children.

Trump, however, offered solace in this time of crisis, “We’ll try and negotiate a better deal.” He also assured his constituents that he would soon start deporting his children, “we have the most tremendous, fabulous, fantastic people working on a better deal right now.”

Trump made it understood who was to blame, “Let’s be clear, I’m very disappointed in Mitch Mcconnell for his failure to let me know how to deport my children.” Trump appears to be adopting his standard domestic damage control policy when addressing Mcconnell. That policy being a frowny face, verbal lashing on Twitter, and chastising in front of a crowd that he can air his grievances to. In retaliation, Mcconnell has decided to adopt his standard “I’m bewildered at how my life ended up this way” look when photographed. We asked Speaker of the House Paul Ryan for a comment but he was unavailable due to his weekly spine transplant.